When in a conversation try speaking less.
Less encouragements like: “Wow”, “That’s cool”, “I understand” etc.
Speak in shorter sentences and use more pauses.
Make what you say count.
No need to entertain, be witty or tell stories in order to keep someone’s attention.
Behave in a way that assumes that you could just sit there doing nothing and that would be good enough.
An introvert isn’t necessarily shy.
Although the two qualities often overlap in the same person.
I’m an introvert and used to be shy.
Now I’m a confident introvert.
I spend a lot of time doing solitary activities that help me relax and gain energy.
But when I’m out and about I have zero hesitation when I want to meet someone.
And there’s no need for me to ‘warm up’ socially.
I’ve embraced my introversion and turned it into a positive thing.
No, I’m not the life of the party, nor the guy that draws all the attention to himself.
But when when I enter a conversation with someone, I draw them in deeply.
I know my strengths and how to use them.
That gives me confidence.
More statements less questions. At least a 1:1 ratio, preferably 2:1.
Speak from your personal perspective “I did, think, feel… etc”
You may be too logical in your thinking and talking, expressing facts. Practice expressing more feelings.
Qualification Listening: Neutral expression on your face. Will make the person talking feel like they are qualifying themselves. Can make the both of you feel uncomfortable or awkward. You have to be cool with it.
Active Listening: Show emotional response to what people are talking about. Repeat back to them in your own words important things they talk about.
Don’t do this too much because it’s too ‘Rapport Seeking’. In stead use it as a reward for when you hear stuff you like when your doing Qualification Listening.
Allow yourself to be turned on and project it through your body-language, eye-contact and voice tone.
Practice being very relaxed in the moment around women and this should happen naturally.
Start with ‘accidental’ touching, brushing arms together as you walk, touching lower arm when you are speaking.
Move to overt touching with your fingers and palm of your hand. In the beginning, don’t linger with your touch.
I’m a pretty low energy guy.
I’m not flashy, loud or animated (unless I’m projecting my voice on purpose).
But I have cultivated my presence.
I used to be a person that you could easily ignore.
It’s funny because sometimes there is a mismatch between remnants of my old beliefs and my current ability.
For example I’ll address someone. And I’ll want to repeat myself because part of me expects not to be able to grab someone’s attention instantaneously like that. But then the person will turn towards me.
Presence is once again one of those vague terms that is hard to define.
But I’ll try.
It’s the inner world of a person shining through in their body-language, eye-contact the way they speak, hold themselves and interact with other people.
It’s intense rather than flashy.
There is a lot of talk about value.
Is it social proof, pre-selection, good looks or a sense of humour?
Well it depends.
But it boils down to two things.
Core Value: Having a working penis, the willingness and ability to use it (theoretically able to impregnate a woman).
Variable Value: Being able to navigate the (material and social world) in order to make the above happen.
Do you have a weapon and do you know how to use it?
There’s no need to fear tests.
You don’t have to come up with the perfect line or come-back.
That’s reactionary thinking.
You’re in the right mind set when you instinctively laugh or smirk at the test.
Because you know who you are and what you stand for.
And no one can throw you off.
Like a rock upon which waves break.
I sense that some guys are trained by tests.
They want to learn how to bat them away with tactics and techniques.
But eventually they want to be able to just let go and be themselves.
That’s a fantasy, because the testing will never end.
As long as you are a man you will get tested, either by women or society.
Remember there is a difference between testing and bad behaviour.
PermanentGuest said it well: “One should make you laugh; the other should prompt you to turn and walk away”.
Over analysing things is a symptom of a mind that is focusing on the wrong things.
It’s a mind that is constantly questioning, second-guessing, trying to figure everything out, flighty, changeable.
It should be strong, centered and focused.
You are over analysing if you are spending too much time ‘figuring it all out’, ‘trying to understand root causes’ and then ‘fixing them’.
It rarely leads anywhere productive.
Just epiphany after epiphany that doesn’t results in any real changes of behaviour.
Inner game is what is going on in your mind and body.
Outer game is your behaviour and the actions you take.
Both influence each other. Part of the ‘Be, Do, Have’ cycle.
Work on improving both. But remember to keep things simple.
Most results come from the simple things.
As far as inner game goes: being present, not talking shit about yourself, feeling good in your body, working towards goals or improving yourself, not taking things personally.
There’s a difference someone liking you and being sexually attracted to you.
Those two don’t always overlap.
Do you want 3 out of 3 women to like you and none of them to be attracted to you?
Or do you want 2 to hate you and 1 to love you?