When in a conversation try speaking less.
Less encouragements like: “Wow”, “That’s cool”, “I understand” etc.
Speak in shorter sentences and use more pauses.
Make what you say count.
No need to entertain, be witty or tell stories in order to keep someone’s attention.
Behave in a way that assumes that you could just sit there doing nothing and that would be good enough.
An introvert isn’t necessarily shy.
Although the two qualities often overlap in the same person.
I’m an introvert and used to be shy.
Now I’m a confident introvert.
I spend a lot of time doing solitary activities that help me relax and gain energy.
But when I’m out and about I have zero hesitation when I want to meet someone.
And there’s no need for me to ‘warm up’ socially.
I’ve embraced my introversion and turned it into a positive thing.
No, I’m not the life of the party, nor the guy that draws all the attention to himself.
But when when I enter a conversation with someone, I draw them in deeply.
I know my strengths and how to use them.
That gives me confidence.
More statements less questions. At least a 1:1 ratio, preferably 2:1.
Speak from your personal perspective “I did, think, feel… etc”
You may be too logical in your thinking and talking, expressing facts. Practice expressing more feelings.
Qualification Listening: Neutral expression on your face. Will make the person talking feel like they are qualifying themselves. Can make the both of you feel uncomfortable or awkward. You have to be cool with it.
Active Listening: Show emotional response to what people are talking about. Repeat back to them in your own words important things they talk about.
Don’t do this too much because it’s too ‘Rapport Seeking’. In stead use it as a reward for when you hear stuff you like when your doing Qualification Listening.
Allow yourself to be turned on and project it through your body-language, eye-contact and voice tone.
Practice being very relaxed in the moment around women and this should happen naturally.
Start with ‘accidental’ touching, brushing arms together as you walk, touching lower arm when you are speaking.
Move to overt touching with your fingers and palm of your hand. In the beginning, don’t linger with your touch.
I’m a pretty low energy guy.
I’m not flashy, loud or animated (unless I’m projecting my voice on purpose).
But I have cultivated my presence.
I used to be a person that you could easily ignore.
It’s funny because sometimes there is a mismatch between remnants of my old beliefs and my current ability.
For example I’ll address someone. And I’ll want to repeat myself because part of me expects not to be able to grab someone’s attention instantaneously like that. But then the person will turn towards me.
Presence is once again one of those vague terms that is hard to define.
But I’ll try.
It’s the inner world of a person shining through in their body-language, eye-contact the way they speak, hold themselves and interact with other people.
It’s intense rather than flashy.