There is a lot of talk about value.
Is it social proof, pre-selection, good looks or a sense of humour?
Well it depends.
But it boils down to two things.
Core Value: Having a working penis, the willingness and ability to use it (theoretically able to impregnate a woman).
Variable Value: Being able to navigate the (material and social world) in order to make the above happen.
Do you have a weapon and do you know how to use it?
There’s no need to fear tests.
You don’t have to come up with the perfect line or come-back.
That’s reactionary thinking.
You’re in the right mind set when you instinctively laugh or smirk at the test.
Because you know who you are and what you stand for.
And no one can throw you off.
Like a rock upon which waves break.
I sense that some guys are trained by tests.
They want to learn how to bat them away with tactics and techniques.
But eventually they want to be able to just let go and be themselves.
That’s a fantasy, because the testing will never end.
As long as you are a man you will get tested, either by women or society.
Remember there is a difference between testing and bad behaviour.
PermanentGuest said it well: “One should make you laugh; the other should prompt you to turn and walk away”.
Over analysing things is a symptom of a mind that is focusing on the wrong things.
It’s a mind that is constantly questioning, second-guessing, trying to figure everything out, flighty, changeable.
It should be strong, centered and focused.
You are over analysing if you are spending too much time ‘figuring it all out’, ‘trying to understand root causes’ and then ‘fixing them’.
It rarely leads anywhere productive.
Just epiphany after epiphany that doesn’t results in any real changes of behaviour.
Inner game is what is going on in your mind and body.
Outer game is your behaviour and the actions you take.
Both influence each other. Part of the ‘Be, Do, Have’ cycle.
Work on improving both. But remember to keep things simple.
Most results come from the simple things.
As far as inner game goes: being present, not talking shit about yourself, feeling good in your body, working towards goals or improving yourself, not taking things personally.
There’s a difference someone liking you and being sexually attracted to you.
Those two don’t always overlap.
Do you want 3 out of 3 women to like you and none of them to be attracted to you?
Or do you want 2 to hate you and 1 to love you?
There is a cycle that goes…be, do, have, be, do, have, be, do, have…
Be a king and you’ll do the things a king does and then you’ll have what a king has.
Or, do what a king does, so that you’ll have what a king has so that you will be a king.
Or, have what a king has so that you’ll be a king and then you’ll do what a king does.
So it doesn’t matter where you start this cycle. You can even take action towards all three.
Break the cycle you are in right now and create a new one.
Many people have been taught to get along with everyone. To try and make everyone like them.
But if you want people to love you, you’re going to have to risk some hating you.
Don’t be afraid to polarise opinions by dialing up some of your traits.
Even if it’s just an experiment. Try being “more you” for a couple of days and see what happens.
It’s no secret that most of the people looking for help with their social skills confirm to certain stereotypes.
Engineers, programmers and other logical thinkers.
Logic and reason are great, but they can only carry you so far so far when it comes to what’s going on at the micro level in social interactions.
(Logic and reason are much more applicable at a macro level, yet funnily enough that’s exactly where it’s applied least).
When you’re socialising in the moment you need less binary thinking and more fuzzy logic.
If you’re too much of a logical thinker then you need to train your mind to be more creative and spontaneous, to be able to deal with ambiguity and implied meaning.
Talking in politically incorrect generalisations here…
Women are passive, men are active.
If you are a man the onus is on you.
And being active, moving things forward is the most valuable trait you can display.
Because at the very core of the male-female dynamic the man has to be active…
…otherwise nothing will happen.
And the woman has to be passive because if you are incapable of making a move without assistance then how will your potential sons fair?